TMQ’s Non-Quarterback Non-Running-Back NFL MVP

Plus a Super Bowl prediction from All Predictions Wrong.

Sports articles put their Super Bowl predictions at the end, to force you to read the whole thing. I’ll put my two predictions at the beginning – because, All Predictions Wrong!

First, the Running Backs Guild is going to like Super Bowl LVIII, which kicks off at VI:XXX Eastern.

Both teams field better pass defenses than rush defenses; both head coaches will have fresh in their minds how the Baltimore Ravens botched a home title contest by unilaterally disarming their run game. Therefore I predict the Super Bowl will seem old-fashioned as both offenses pound the ball.

The pair is well-matched – over the last three seasons the Chiefs have the most wins at 45, the Niners second-most at 41.

Second, the game will be close. The Chiefs and Niners last four combined playoffs games were won by an average of 4 points.

I predict a Super Bowl final score of 20-17, choosing those numerals because 20-17 is the most common NFL final score. I just have no idea which side will get to 20.

Plus, there will also be a football game to watch.

In spiritual news, football season is about to end. This may shock you – this may seem illegal! – but each year there are more weeks without NFL games than with.

Form a circle to work through your issues of too much football. First names only.

Take deep breaths. Go on long walks and appreciate the beauty of nature.

Spend time with those you love. When the knock on your life’s door comes, not spending more time with friends and family may be what you regret. You will not regret not spending more time with Netflix.

Read five good books that are new and five great books you have always meant to read. This will give you a feeling of accomplishment, and inform your life.

Volunteer in your community. Attend worship services of any faith.

Contemplate the gift of existence, and the Great Mystery that gave this gift to you.

Do these things and you will feel justified in racing back to the remote, the microbrews and the cheerleader swimsuit calendars when the football artificial universe resumes in September.